just let me rant.
just this post please? for after so long of pretty much happiness and hardly anything sad. except for that accident. and except for my very emo facebook and twitter statuses.
i don’t want to spoil the blog’s happy-go-lucky and everything’s dainty and nice kinda spirit (if there’s any), but i really just want to say i am god damn bloody tired. i don’t feel like doing anything. i feel like going into suicidal mode because everyone, almost everyone expects the best out of me, and what? must i perform exactly what you want? be my best when i know i can’t because i haven’t got the heart?
i got a long life ahead of me, the oldies tell me. and what, i am breaking down right now? pathetic. call me pathetic because you are not me. you don’t live the way i do. you don’t go through what i am going through now. yeah sure, you say you had it worse, well, whatever. congratulations to you for going through it and say hello to a loser like me who does nothing but whines. but i did try my best. in doing what i can and everything. before you start saying anything bout me didn’t try hard enough, i’ll just have to ask you this, by what standards have you got in mind to say “you have done enough”? what is enough? share with me, please? really.
but you know, sometimes i just don’t have the luck. i don’t have the strength. i really do admire those who manage to stay strong despite all the problems and darkness they have. i fail majorly here. i had never pretended that i am a strong adult, and i am quite honest to tell you that i am just a kid. a small girl who yearns nothing more than her freedom and her wings to fly, and the ability to give the one she love dearest (although it took her years to finally know that) the one thing he desires — a happy ending.
i still learn from everyday’s lesson, but i grow so tired of it. the so called adults, are they even behaving like one? do they? must i be like one of them? so i can stand tall and tell everyone “hey! i’m a BIG girl now!” bleh. i don’t want to be one of them. i never wanted to grow up. yeah, sure, money is great and all, but to tell you the truth, i haven’t got much love for it. if money robs me of my precious time, i rather not want it. it’s okay if i don’t go travelling, it’s ok if i can’t afford nice jewelries, bags, car or house, it’s ok even if it means i cut down on makeup (which is really fine by me).
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